Chaotic Life: 2013

Someone asked me the other day what it was that would make me happy in my life. I did not really know how to answer the question at the time, I tried to analyze everything and try to figure out what specific area they were asking about. I never did answer the question. This morning I woke up and realized what I wanted in life, well actually to be able to put it into words at least. First and foremost, I want God to be the center of my life. I want to be the woman He wants me to be, I want to see the world through His loving eyes and be able to look at people and see them the way He does. Reminds me of this song.

I want to be a woman like this:

Proverbs 31

English Standard Version (ESV)

The Words of King Lemuel

31 The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him: ²What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? ³Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. ⁴It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink, ⁵lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. ⁶Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; ⁷let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. ⁸Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. ⁹Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

¹⁰An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. ¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. ¹²She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. ¹³She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. ¹⁴She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. ¹⁵She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. ¹⁶She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. ¹⁷She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. ¹⁸She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. ¹⁹She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. ²⁰She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. ²¹She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. ²²She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. ²³Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. ²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. ²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. ²⁶She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. ²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ²⁸Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ²⁹“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” ³⁰Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. ³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

I want a man whose first priority is God and I want to have a man that I mean everything to. I want a man who loves me more than himself. I want him to think of me in every choice he makes and think of how it will affect me. I want him to value my opinion, ask for my opinion and actually listen to it and take it to heart. I want a man who cooks meals for me once in a while, who surprises me with a wonderful date night all planned out and catered specifically to me. I want a man who will bend over backward to make me happy because it makes him happy to see me happy. I in turn want to do everything in my power to make him happy, because I love seeing him happy. I want a man who only has eyes for me. A man who says I look beautiful, not the next door neighbor, not the lady at the grocery store, or gas station, ME and only ME. I want him to only see me. I want him to notice only me.

These are the things that are needed.

Constantly nourish the relationship.
Preserving the individuality of the other person, what they are, their personality, and development
Respect freedom of the other person.
Kept are the engagements towards one another.
Best friends.
They have a flexible volume of positions of power at home and in the family.

So let me make a few things perfectly clear:

If you expect your wife to follow you blindly and unquestioningly, you’re being an idiot.
If you expect your wife to respect you when you haven’t earned it, you’re being equally stupid.
If you don’t respect your wife, you don’t deserve her respect in return.
And don’t even think of telling her: “God has commanded you to respect me even if I don’ deserve it.”

God has called you, dear husband, to sacrifice everything for your wife. It is your duty and honor to love, cherish, defend, protect, uplift, serve, and otherwise give everything you’ve got for her, second only to the Trinity Themselves. Show love and respect for your wife first, and she will be more likely to return the favor.

Ephesians 5:25-30. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also [does] the church, 30 because we are members of His body.

I want that kind of love.

I want a house on 3-5 acres, with fruit trees, fruit bushes like strawberries, blueberry, raspberry, blackberry, a stocked pond, a greenhouse, chickens, bees and maybe rabbits, a wood burning fireplace, high speed internet, and working toward self sufficiency and sustainability. I would love to be off the grid. I want to continue to homeschool my boys. I want to have a place where they can play their instruments loudly and often. I want to have a place where my boys can build stuff and tear stuff apart. I want someone who wants this too, to help me work it all and gather eggs with me in the morning, To sit by the fire pit outside and drink homebrewed wine and honey mead and stare at the stars together, Someone to make love with by the fire pit under the stars. I want to live close enough to civilization to easily get the things we need but far enough away to be able to have quiet and peace.

I want good health and long life and laughter. I want a simple life enjoying the fruit of our labor. I want to help other people. Help them be happy, help them learn new skills, help them be the best them they can be.